When someone asks us what kind of qualities you look for in a guy, it’s pretty unlikely that you’d find “selfish” on the list. While we don’t actively seek self-serving suitors, it’s common that some of us find ourselves in these less than desirable situations. There are even times when we want to be with someone so badly that we completely ignore all of the red flags that are right in front of us. We totally push our better judgment aside because we don’t want to admit the possibility that a guy could be with us for all of the wrong reasons. We can’t help who we fall for, even though we know there are times where we can let our emotions get the best of us. The best thing to do is be super aware of your dating life (and your partner), to make sure you don’t wind up in a one-sided faux relationship that meets all of his needs and none of yours. Here are 15 significant signs he’s using you right now and you don’t even know it.
15. He Won’t Talk About Commitment
If you have been spending a lot of time with a guy you have every right to wonder where he sees things going in the near future. You shouldn’t have any problems when asking him important questions about the state of your relationship status. If your guy tries everything in his power to avoid talking about commitment at all costs, you should definitely take that as being a huge red flag. Of course, it’s pretty standard for some guys to be afraid of commitment, but it’s never a good sign. If he won’t commit to you, you know he’s up to no good. Whether you want to admit it or not, he definitely has a reason why he doesn’t want to settle down, even if he doesn’t vocalize it. It’s super likely that he won’t commit because he’s using you and he doesn’t actually see anything long-term with you. Whether he chose to engage in this complicated relationship for physical, financial, or even convenience purposes – he’s totally only in it for himself.
14. Your Friends See Right Through His Act
Your girlfriends are usually pretty perceptive when it comes to seeing the signs of a man who’s not worthy of a good woman. If your girls are telling you straight up that he’s only with you for his own benefit, do yourself a favor and listen to their advice. Your friends have a way of noticing things that you might be too blind to see; especially when it comes to the guys you date. They only want what’s best for you, and if they see you blatantly being mistreated it’s their job to let you know when you deserve better. You might be way too into him to pick up on any of his flaws, even if they’re super obvious to everyone else. Your squad definitely notices how he always makes you pick up his tab at the bar, how he only comes around for a late night hookup, and how poorly he treats you overall. If everyone around you is telling you that this guy is trouble, you know they can’t all be wrong.
13. He’s Beyond Selfish In The Bedroom
If you are getting down with a guy who is only self-serving in the bedroom, you should definitely think twice about what his intentions are. Intimacy is a two-way street, and you should be with someone who cares about fulfilling your wants and needs between the sheets. If your mate is only interested in doing things that work for him and doesn’t care about whether or not you’re happy with his performance, he’s totally taking advantage of you. The right guy will cater to your desires and will take pride in doing so. Someone who is using you will only put himself first. Let’s be honest, nobody wants a super selfish lover. That kind of behavior isn’t enjoyable for anyone other than him, and it shows. If he doesn’t take you into consideration at all during intimate moments then wake up and see things for what they really are: he’s using you and you deserve so much more than what he’s willing to give.
12. You’ve Never Met His Friends And Family
News flash: if you are dating a guy and you’ve never once met any of friends or family members, he doesn’t take you or your relationship seriously at all. A real man would be proud to show you off and introduce you to important people in his life, while a user (and loser) will try his best to keep you a secret. You shouldn’t settle for being swept under the rug by any man, and you definitely shouldn’t let him pretend that you don’t even exist. You should know your worth and understand that this kind of behavior is not acceptable by any means. If a guy treats you this way it’s best to recognize the signs and remove yourself from the equation. Your guy should be super willing to have you meet his friends and eventually his family once things get serious. If you have yet to get acquainted with anyone from his personal life, he definitely doesn’t see you as a priority. Be honest with yourself – you could totally do better!
11. He’s Financially Dependent On You
A grown man should never be your financial responsibility. You have enough on your plate without having to support some guy who can’t get his act together. If you find that you are always the one who gets stuck with the bill when you go out, you might want to question what you’re even doing with a guy like this in the first place. Not only that, but if he relies on you to pay his phone bill, purchase his groceries, or even chip in when he’s short on rent money, it’s clear that he’s only with you for financial purposes. You should definitely never feel obligated to support a man financially. If he were any kind of man at all, he would never expect anything like that from you. This kind of guy is just plain lazy, and his behavior is pretty inexcusable if you ask us. You need someone who can pull their own weight and who isn’t afraid to pull out his wallet when necessary. You work hard for your money and you don’t need to spend it all on some guy who is nothing but a leech.
10. He’s Always Asking For Favors
In a relationship, it’s important to do things for each other and help each other out when they need you most. Of course, support is supposed to come from both directions when you’re dating someone special. If you find that your man is constantly asking you to do things for him but he never returns the favor, then you are totally in a one-sided relationship – and that’s not okay. You need someone who will go out of his way to make you happy, not someone who expects everything from you. This kind of guy is completely self-serving and he only cares about one person: himself. You don’t need to be with someone who he just using you. If he can’t reciprocate the love and endless support you provide to him then frankly, he has no business being with you at all. Assuming that you will take on all of his responsibilities is pretty ridiculous, especially when he would never do the same for you.
9. He Doesn’t Care How You Feel
A selfish guy will always look out for himself over anyone else, even if that means hurting your feelings. When he continuously lets you down, disappoints you, or leaves you feeling super upset, that’s pretty bad in itself. But when he totally disregards your feelings, you should know that he’s not the right guy for you. His lack of compassion for you is definitely a telltale sign that you are with someone who is only using you. He doesn’t care at all about what you think or how you feel and that’s no way to treat a lady. A self-centered guy only caters to his own ego. In his mind, the world revolves around him. It’s his world and you’re just lucky enough to be a part of it, right? Completely wrong! Being with someone who is emotionless can be mentally draining. You should be with someone who is considerate of your feelings and treats you like his equal, not like someone who is below him in every way.
8. He’s Not Affectionate
Who doesn’t love a little affection every now and then? Isn’t the whole point of dating someone to openly loving? If you notice that your man is pretty much never willing to kiss, cuddle, hold your hand, or show any kind of affection towards you then there’s no way you’re getting what you need from him. Relationships require a lot from both people involved. Women especially need to feel important and like to know that they are wanted. We have to admit it, we crave affection from guys we really like, and we deserve to feel loved. If you’re with a guy who never shows you that he’s into you, chances are he’s probably not. This guy is with you for all of the wrong reasons. You can’t lower your standards and settle for someone who can’t even hold you in his arms without being all awkward and uncomfortable. It’s super likely that he wants to avoid the lovey-dovey stuff altogether because he only wants one thing. Boy, bye.
7. He Ghosts You
Are you dating a guy who basically ignores you and then talks to you again as he pleases? If he’s with you one minute, then he’s completely unattainable and unavailable the next, he’s guilty of ghosting you – and he’s definitely using you, too. This kind of guy is pretty much a coward, because instead of being honest and communicating how he feels about you, he chooses to be lame and only come around when it’s convenient for him… only to vanish again right after he gets what he wants. Gross. You definitely deserve more than someone who is only around when he sees fit. Whether you want to admit it or not, the signs are right there in the open. You know you feel unsatisfied with the state of your unfavorable relationship and you need more from him than just an occasional appearance here and there. He doesn’t treat you like the lady that you are, and you shouldn’t settle for that, no matter what the situation is.
6. He “Borrows” Your Stuff
Does your guy frequently ask to use some of your most prized possessions on a regular basis? Does he not take proper care of them and use them indefinitely without your consent? If you are always put in a position where he asks to borrow your car, your phone, or even crash at your place for days at a time, you definitely have a mooch on your hands. If he treats you poorly and only comes around when he wants something from you, he’s absolutely using you. You shouldn’t have to let him use all of your stuff because he should be able to acquire his own things. Don’t let him walk all over you and mistake your kindness for weakness. You aren’t responsible for loaning things to you; you aren’t Rent-A-Center for crying out loud! What you need is an honest, hard-working man, not someone who is always asking for handouts.
5. You Don’t Actually Know Him
When you are with the right guy, it’s safe to say that you two will get to know each other pretty well. It’s fun going out on dates, asking important questions, and finding out what makes the other person tick. But this time, you’re with someone who you don’t actually know anything about on a deep, meaningful level. Your relationship barely scratches the surface and tends to focus more on the physical aspect rather than developing a personal bond. Do you know his favorite food, what he likes to do for fun, or what his middle name even is? If you just skipped past the whole getting-to-know-you phase and jumped right into the physical stuff, chances are high that you don’t really know him as much as you thought. And what’s more, he probably doesn’t really know you, either. Solid relationships are built on more than just the superficial stuff. If you find yourself in one of these situations, it’s safe to say he’s with you for his own benefit and nothing more. If he doesn’t show any actual interest in you, make sure you see the signs.
4. He Shows Up At Odd Hours
If you want to know whether or not he takes you seriously or if he’s just using you, just take notice of what time of day he decides to show up at your door. If he’s calling and texting you at one in the morning, nothing good can come from that. He’s definitely only concerned with hooking up and views you as his go-to late night booty call. If you are fine with this the more power to you, but it’s pretty likely that you were hoping for something more than an occasional fling. This guy is strictly with you for his own selfish needs and doesn’t see you as his girlfriend by any means. A guy like this is definitely immature and is probably used to treating girls poorly just to get what he wants. You should already know never to settle for this kind of treatment, especially from a guy who’s nothing more than a user. Don’t let him get away with treating you like an object – tell him you’re definitely not interested in his lackluster advances.
3. He Never Takes You Out
In a proper relationship, you and your guy often go out to dinner or to a movie and enjoy each other’s company. If that’s not happening and you rarely (if at all) get taken anywhere by your man then he’s totally not invested in the relationship. Maybe he doesn’t want to be seen with you or maybe it’s just that he doesn’t care enough to take you out because he knows he doesn’t have to do much in order to get what he wants. Whatever the case may be, this is totally a less than ideal situation to be in and he’s not a genuine guy. Honestly, would you really want to be like someone like that anyway? Nope… it’s pretty unlikely. You don’t need to deal with his secretive behavior and his lack of trying to please you. There are plenty of guys out there who would love to take you out somewhere nice while engaging in actual conversation over a glass of wine. Doesn’t that sound a lot more appealing than the other option?
2. He Has A Bad Rep
Nobody wants to be involved with a guy who is often referred to as a player. If he’s known around town as a notorious ladies man who just toys with girl’s emotions in order to get what he wants, then you should listen to those warnings. If he’s done it in the past, there’s a good chance that he’s doing it to you, too. If his rep precedes him then he was probably trouble from the start. He has no problem going from one girl to the next, never committing and only using them for selfish purposes. If he’s really responsible for breaking a bunch of hearts and sees nothing wrong with his freeloading ways, he’s not worth the time and effort. You need someone who actually wants to be in a relationship, not someone who treats you like one of his seemingly endless options. You’re a lot more than just a notch on some guy’s bedpost, and you definitely should know that.
1. You Aren’t His One And Only
If you have a sneaking suspicion that you aren’t the only woman your guy is actively pursuing, chances are your intuition is always right. Not only is he super selfish and inconsiderate, but he’s also super gross on top of if it all. If your man has a rolodex of different chicks uses and then strays from, he’s definitely not your match. He’s not only taking advantage of you, he’s also doing the same thing to several other girls who are unknowingly taking a walk in your shoes. He will never be content enough to sustain a meaningful relationship because he’s always looking to see what else is out there. If he has a serious wandering eye and acts on his crude desires, come on… you need to know that he’s using you. If he can’t step up to the plate then he needs to be sent on his way. Nobody needs to keep a guy like that around… especially not you.